Same UPI, Very Different Data Stories

All three apps are Payment Service Providers (PSPs) built on UPI, so the basic transaction security (PIN, encryption, device binding) is broadly similar and regulated by NPCI and RBI. Where they diverge is data: what they log about you, with whom they share it, and how far they go beyond “just payments” into super-app territory.

Regulation baseline:

NPCI / RBI rules apply to all three for UPI, KYC and transaction-level security.

India’s new Digital Personal Data Protection (DPDP) Rules 2025 now sit on top, forcing all large tech and fintech players to tighten consent, retention, and breach reporting.

Super-app vs “pure” payment layer:

Paytm and PhonePe are closer to “super-apps” with shopping, insurance, investments and more – meaning more categories of personal data, more profiling and more partners.

Google Pay positions itself more as a payment and offers layer integrated with your Google Account, not a full marketplace, but is plugged into the wider Google ecosystem and ad stack.

High-level Risk & Privacy Comparison

Risk & Privacy Snapshot For Indian Users (2026) – Please see the detailed comparison table in the complete post for a breakdown across factors including core model, data collected, data sharing with 3rd parties, government/law-enforcement access, financial protection, scam surface, and overall privacy risk.

What The Privacy Policies Actually Allow

The nuance is hidden in legal language: “processing,” “affiliates,” “service providers,” “regulatory authorities,” and “legitimate interests.” For a normal user, this translates into who can see your data, and for what.

Google Pay India (2025 Terms)

Integration with your Google Account: Google Pay’s India terms clarify that your use of Google Pay services is part of the broader Google services ecosystem, governed by both Google Pay Terms and Google’s general privacy policy. This means behavioural data from payments can, within limits, feed into Google’s analytics and personalisation across services.

Data sharing language:

Shares data with banks, card networks, NPCI and merchants to complete payments and refunds.

Shares with group companies and service providers for fraud detection, security, compliance and offers.

Allows certain data use for marketing and product improvement, subject to your Google Account settings and consents.

Implication: Convenience and cross-device continuity are strong, but you are effectively building a richer Google profile combining financial behaviour with existing search, maps and Android signals.

PhonePe (Privacy Policy 2025)

Regulated PSP with broad sharing carve-outs: PhonePe expressly states it may share personal information with “legally recognized authorities, regulatory bodies, governmental authorities” and other entities when necessary for compliance, investigations, or to protect its interests. This sits on top of sharing with group companies and partners involved in delivering services like insurance, mutual funds and travel.

Analytics and profiling: The policy allows usage data to be processed for service improvement, personalisation and marketing, including offers based on your transaction patterns and app behaviour.

Implication: PhonePe runs deep financial analytics across UPI, investments and insurance, and the Karnataka High Court ruling confirms that user confidentiality cannot override lawful requests in criminal investigations or public interest matters.

Paytm (Main Ecosystem + FORCE App)

Super-app data aggregation: Paytm’s ecosystem spans payments, wallet, bank accounts, credit, investments, ticketing and shopping, and its privacy documents reflect wide collection and sharing of KYC, transaction, and behavioural data across Paytm entities and partners.

Consent-based, but expansive: The Paytm FORCE privacy policy explicitly says personal data “shall never be shared without your consent,” but then lists multiple situations where you effectively give that consent for processing, sharing with group entities, service providers and regulators.

DPDP-era consequences: Under DPDP Rules 2025, if Paytm or its ecosystem leaks or mishandles your data (Aadhaar, PAN, contact details, transaction history), you can now exercise rights to access, correction, erasure and potentially claim significant compensation.

Implication: Paytm likely has the richest view of your financial and shopping life among the three, which is powerful for offers but dangerous in case of breaches or misuse.

Law, Government Access & The DPDP 2025 Reality

The most under-discussed risk is not fraudsters, but how easily your data can legally move to the state or other bodies. This is the critical section:

DPDP Rules 2025 and Big Tech / Fintech: India’s Digital Personal Data Protection Rules 2025 require tech and payment companies to minimise data collection, limit retention, and obtain meaningful consent for processing, while offering rights to access, correction and erasure. However, critics point out that categories of recipients, exact retention timelines, and cross-border safeguards are still opaque, leaving power with platforms.

Broad state powers (Rule 23): Rule 23 allows government agencies to demand personal data from companies on grounds like “national security” or “sovereignty,” without judicial pre-approval and with gag clauses preventing companies from even telling you your data was requisitioned. This applies equally to Google Pay, PhonePe and Paytm.

PhonePe Karnataka High Court case: In PhonePe Private Limited v. State of Karnataka, the High Court held that a PSP cannot refuse to provide transaction data when ordered by a competent authority in a criminal investigation, stressing that “duty to protect data must yield where public interest and criminal investigation intersect.”

Bottom line: No UPI app can promise absolute confidentiality against state or court-ordered access; at best, they can log requests, push for due process, and harden internal controls against misuse.

Practical Takeaways: Which App For What Risk Profile?

For an Indian user who cares about both money and privacy, the real question is not “Which app is safest?” but “Which trade-off am I comfortable with?”

If you prioritise minimal ecosystem lock-in (still Big Tech): Google Pay is attractive if you like a cleaner UI and fewer non-payment services inside the app, but your financial behaviour can still feed into the broader Google data graph unless carefully limited in account settings.

If you want maximum utility and offers (and accept deeper profiling): PhonePe and Paytm give richer cashbacks, investments, travel and shopping features, but they also collect and process more categories of data, often with broader sharing to partners and group companies.

If you worry about data breaches and misuse: DPDP Rules 2025 finally give you enforceable rights and potential compensation (up to high amounts) if a company like Paytm or any app leaks your personal data. In practice, prevention still beats legal fights: limit permissions, periodically review privacy settings, and deactivate cards or accounts you no longer use.

Actionable Privacy Hygiene For All Three Apps

Regardless of which app you choose, some habits dramatically reduce both financial and privacy risk:

Turn off intrusive permissions you don’t need (contacts, location, SMS read), especially on PhonePe and Paytm where super-app features may request more access.

Regularly audit linked bank accounts, cards and auto-payments inside each app and remove ones you don’t use.

Treat UPI ID like an email address: sharing it is not directly dangerous, but it helps scammers build credible social-engineering scripts using your real name and bank details.

Never approve “collect” requests or screen-sharing sessions initiated by strangers, even if they claim to be from bank or support.

Use DPDP rights: request a full data profile from Paytm or any app, correct wrong data, and ask for deletion where legally possible instead of assuming “they must be careful.”

The post Google Pay vs PhonePe vs Paytm (2026): Risk, Privacy & Data Protection For Indian Users appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

Hell, we laughed at the web in general. Who needed it?

Back then, the tech available for getting yourself seen was ridiculously primitive. We had three options:

1. Pay a geek an unbelievable amount of money to post your headshot and bio on a crappy domain that nobody ever went to.
2. Regularly spam as many agents and casting directors as you could find email addresses for.
3. Work the phone yourself, acting as your own agent, booking auditions.

Yeah, you remember the brick phones and the pagers…

While these tactics may have been helpful, the bottom line always came down to the work. Sure, there was a sense of providence in the grabbing of a paid acting gig, but the artists that enjoyed that providence more often than not, were the ones that worked like mules. The real deal. The Skilled Workers.

• Not for fame.
• Not for cash.
• Not for a quick turn around.

It was about the work itself. The craft, if you want to get sentimental about it. These people were serious about what they did. Serious enough to starve for it. And I’m not just throwing an old cliché around here.

So now we’re playing with tools of creation and distribution that are infinitely more powerful than anything around in 1993.

So Ana Marie Cox grabs a book deal after three years of blogging.

So everyone goes crazy. Even more folks are taking up the laptop, thinking they have a shot at the big time. Fine. New York is always looking for the next Jonathan Swift.

Whether you like her stuff or not, I’d be willing to bet that Cox has not been casual in her use of these New Media firearms. And unless you’re only in it to write up the daily undertakings of your cat, neither should you.

Remember one thing when you’re looking into that beautiful, empty, .txt document.

No matter what happens to you, at the end of the day, you are alone with your work. You have to live with it, sleep with it, suffer the consequences of it and stand by it.

Don’t go for the cheap laugh. Get the real one.

Don’t think about New York, think about eternity.

Do your work. Do it well, when nobody is watching. Sweat it out.

Use the tools, don’t worship them.

And let New York worry about herself.

The post Tips to become a Blogging Superstar appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

Writing is a strange and dangerous calling.

I do mean calling. Like Burrough’sword virus, the craft of writing compels us to it in a way that is beyond our ability to resist.

A writer writes.

A writer who does not write inevitably descends into a booze, coffee, sex, nicotine and/or guilt-driven world of pain. Steven Pressfield has covered this ground well.

If you’ve got the touch, the way with words, I’m betting you understand what I’m saying. I’m also betting you’re nowhere near having it “together” as a writer.

Maybe you’re making a living at this word game, maybe not. Maybe you’ve got more readers, clients, and fans than you could ever want, maybe not. Either way, if you have the virus, you will not stop.

Problem is, even when things are “going well” on the page, things are not necessarily well with the writer. We are a small band of laborers working in a muddy field, unable to find the road through the fog.

The dangers of answering this call are immediately replaced with the difficulties of executing it, even for the stoics among us.

Remember, we’re talking about Burrough’s virus here. A virus cannot be killed, but it can be contained. Living with this one is often incredibly difficult.

Tell me if any of these hold a mirror to your own experience:

• You have the steady suspicion that you’re more fraud than writer
• You’d rather do anything, anything than sit down and write
• You look at your “body of work” and conclude that you have simply wasted years of your life
• You talk about writing more than you sit your ass down to do it
• The crushing guilt of not working “enough” has become almost too much to bear
• You stare at walls, floors and ceilings for extended periods of time, and then run to the television
• Your best work is brutally criticised, or worse, brutally ignored
• Despite all of this, you cannot stop writing

That last one is the ticket. It is also something like an answer.

Persevere.

There’s no fix here. In a way, you’re damned if you do your work, and damned if you don’t.

I only offer to open the doors of this little digital confessional to see who walks through with me.

Do you have this virus?

Are you often stumbling through the fog?

Go ahead and give it to me in the comments, any schemes, disciplines, or antivirals you’ve devised to live with this horribly sublime little bug called the word…

The post Tips to be a Guilt Free Writer appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

Where are they, how do I get them, and how do I keep them coming?

If you’ve been writing long enough, you know that — like Solomon — there is nothing new under the sun.

Try as you might to sweat them out of your head or pull them gently from the stars above, there are no new ideas.

So, relax.

But the page is not going to write itself, is it? Where then do we turn for ideas that work, ideas that move, ideas that persuade?

In short, we steal them.

The moment you free yourself from The Cult of Originality, you realize that “original” ideas do not come from within.

They are given to us, from without.

A writer should not look inside, but outside, at external sources, stories, events, and emotions.

If you’re offended that I’d suggest you “steal” ideas, please get over it. You’re already a thief, you just don’t know it yet.

Here are two of the most significant idea repositories on earth …

1. The modern media is a torrent of ideas

In this information age, you have absolutely no reason to “draw a blank”.

Ever.

What took our writing ancestors days and weeks to research and learn, takes us mere moments.

In fact, the only problem we have now is one of finding trusted curators. We need to develop self-discipline and discernment in seeking out correct information from reliable sources.

There is no drought of ideas.

Brian Clark recently wrote:

You have more computing power in your pocket than it took to send men to the moon. What are you doing with it?

Indeed.

Are you wasting it or harnessing it? You don’t need to go to the moon, the crossroads will do just fine for our purposes.

Research. Read. Steal.

Product manuals, literature, interviews, talk radio, magazines, newspapers, television, Twitter, Google Trends, movies, Wikipedia, and on and on and on …

It’s all there, right in your pocket.

And it’s actually more than you’ll ever need.

So use it. Don’t let it use you.

2. People will give you exactly what you’re looking for

Ideas are walking around everywhere out there.

Eugene Schwartz once told a story about a copywriting job he had.

He met with the client and asked him to start talking about the product. They ended up sitting together for four hours — the client talking, and Schwartz simply listening and taking notes.

Later that night, while he was waiting for his wife to get ready for a night out on Manhattan, Schwartz wrote the ad.

The entire ad.

He said about 70% of the finished copy was composed of his client’s own words.

The headline itself was a phrase the client had hit on, word for word.

He waited two weeks, mailed the ad to the client, and they both made a lot of money.

You might think this was some kind of dirty trick on Schwartz’ part, but you’d be wrong.

Schwartz knew how to write a powerful direct response ad. The client didn’t.

Schwartz was smart enough to know that the client knew (in this case) his own product better than he ever could, and simply translated that knowledge and passion onto paper.

The ideas were sitting in the client’s head and Schwartz knew exactly what to do with them.

It goes further …

For better or worse, a writer is working all the time.

Phone calls with friends, the plumber, your spouse, your child, your boss, your client, your neighbor — they are all constantly giving you ideas.

They are all constantly telling you what they — and the entire world — truly want.

It is all grist for the mill.

All you need to do is … listen.

Steal this post

Eugene Schwartz summed this up for me perfectly:

You don’t have to have great ideas if you can hear great ideas.

I stole this post from him, and he stole it from many others.

Listen more. Talk less.

Read less. Read better.

Steal.

The Art of Finding Ideas is then … to go out and find ideas.

Originality? That’ll come from using your own voice, and your voice develops from only one thing — writing more. And more. And more.

Where have you been getting your ideas?

The post How to Hunt Great Ideas for your Blog appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

The listener nods politely, saying, “Yes, yes, thank you. That is precisely what I ought to do.”

Then the listener goes right ahead and does precisely the opposite.

“Don’t ever give anybody your best advice, because they’re not going to follow it.” ~ Jack Nicholson

Jack may be right. Nonetheless, below you’ll find the best advice Copyblogger has to offer on using and applying Twitter to your marketing goals.

If you’ve got 140 characters to fill, here’s a few good ideas and strategies on how to do it to great effect …

The Ultimate Guide to Twitter Marketing
Start here. 100 curated articles covering 21 different topics. It’ll take a couple days, so get going now. #awesome #icantpossiblyclickallthoselinksman

The Art of Writing Great Twitter Headlines
A Copyblogger classic. Brian saw early on that Twitter upped the headline game quite a few very brutal notches. Think your tweets are getting read in that firehose of information? Think again. Here’s how to do it. #iftheydontreadyourheadlinetheydontreadyou

How to Use Twitter to Grow Your Business
This one might make you think twice about sharing [only] the mundane aspects of your life on Twitter. Yes, it can open up connections to power players you never thought possible. Yes, it can generate traffic and super-qualified leads. Yes, the plan is laid out for you right in this post. #123 #abc

5 Steps to Going Viral on Twitter
Is it still possible to blow up on Twitter? If it is, these 5 steps (backed up by data) can show you how. #thisvirusdoesnotsuck

Here’s Hard Data for Headlines that Spread on Twitter
We talked about the art of it above, but here’s the hard data on writing effective headlines for Twitter. From the most (and least) retweetable words, to how talking about yourself affects conversion, see the stats for yourself. #dataiscool #conversioniscooler

How Twitter Makes You a Better Writer
You might think this is the misstatement of the century. But no, you read that headline correctly, Twitter can make you a better writer. #really #imnotjoking

Is Your Social Media Strategy Stalling Because You’re Not Doing This One Thing?
This “One Thing” is so basic, so entirely simple, that you may feel the headline overbilled it a bit. Let me tell you, it did not. Plus, there’s proof of its effectiveness after the jump. #moreharddata #strategytrumpsspeculation

3 Simple Steps to Finding More Clients on Twitter
Who wants more clients? Who wants to find more clients on Twitter? Right. If you answered “uh, me, actually” to one or both of those questions, read this post. #clientsaregreat #clientspaythemortgage

The Direct Line: Copyblogger on Twitter
Travel writing from New York to San Fran. Food writing from taco trucks to hotel restaurants. Questionable music opinion. Brian Clark runs this show, sending you all of the above as well as the smartest links in the business. #insidebriansid #watchout

The post Best Twitter Resources to Fireup your Twitter Marketing appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

This post is going to show you how to make the most of the tools on the WordPress post (and page) editing bar.

By then end of it, you’ll understand how to create pages and posts that are interesting to look at, easy to read, and engaging to … even the most jaded web surfer.

Belly on up to the WordPress formatting bar, and let’s take a look at seven ways to polish up your posts and pages.

1. Be bold. And subtle.

Let’s start at the most basic level with the bold and italic formatting options.

When should you use them?

When designing for print, there are strict rules about how these formatting options are used. Bold text is reserved for unfamiliar terms that are subsequently defined.Italics are used for words from foreign languages, book and magazine titles, works of art or music, plays, and television series.

On the web, the rules are a bit more … flexible.

Used with restraint, bold and italic formatting can be a very effective way to break up big, grey blocks of text on your page. How can you use the WordPress B and Ifor maximum effect?

One way is to bold a first sentence that introduces an important concept in a paragraph of text. This draws your reader’s eyes to the concept you’re introducing, and serves as a visual break from the rest of the text. It’s more subtle than a subhead, but still stands out from the rest of your copy.

And when it comes to italics, you can add shades of meaning to your words by italicizing words within a sentence. This allows your voice to be heard, and helps with reading comprehension.

Again, restraint is key. Don’t go overboard, or you’ll just be annoying.

2. Create signposts with subheads

Whether you’re writing a page or a blog post, subheads are your friend.

Site visitors often skim your subheads before they decide whether or not to dig in to your text. Take your time and craft attention-getting subheads that hint at the content of your page. This will help engage skimmers and draw them into the rest of your copy.

When you’re deciding whether or not to capitalize your subheads, consistency is key. Here on Copyblogger, subheads are capitalized on the first letter only. On my blog, the Big Brand System, I like to Use Initial Caps.

It’s a matter of personal preference, and the most important thing is to be consistent within each page of your site. So don’t use Initial Caps on Some Subheads and not others.

3. Help your reader measure progress with numbers

It’s a proven fact that numbered blog posts do very well. Some people hate them, though, and others say they’re a crutch for lazy writers. The stats show that readerslove them, and I have a theory about why they’re so popular.

I think numbered posts are a little like those progress bars you see on web pages when you’re filling out a long form. For every page you complete, the progress bar moves to the right.

On a numbered post, every section the reader consumes moves them to the next number. This is a satisfying way to consume information, and it’s a good reason to use numbered subheads on your posts and pages, especially if they’re long.

4. Break up those concepts with snappy bullets

Much has been written on this very blog about the humble but powerful bullet. I encourage you to explore all the resources here, especially when using bullets on your landing pages.

Bullets are a great way to lay out a series of concepts in a way that’s easy to digest, too.

If you find yourself writing a paragraph with multiple sentences and concepts — and it’s getting longer and longer — break out the bullet points.

• Explain concept one
• Move on to concept two
• Wrap it up with concept three

See, wasn’t that easy to skim?

5. Shrink your paragraphs to web-sized chunks

I’ve been designing for print for 25 years now, and one of the biggest transitions I had to make when I moved to the web was in my approach to paragraphs.

Not everyone is going to like this advice, but here goes …

A long web page is easier to get through if concepts are broken into short paragraphs — much shorter than you see in print. The rule of thumb I use is to stick to one topic per paragraph. If a paragraph approaches three sentences in length, I start looking for a way to start a new one.

On the other hand, a page full of ultra-short, one-sentence paragraphs starts to look like you’re reading stripes. Moderation is key (are you seeing a theme here?).

6. Highlight, emphasize and inspire with block quotes

The blockquote function in WordPress is easy to use and provides a wonderful way to highlight a chunk of text. You can use it to emphasize a famous quotation, a concept, or an important piece of information.

Setting it apart in a block quote helps draw your eyes directly to it. See?

One or two blockquotes per page is usually enough. More than that and they begin to become a distraction.

7. Start strong, finish strong

This isn’t exactly a formatting tip, but it’s an important idea to keep in mind as you put your pages and posts together in WordPress.

In my last year of art school, I took a course in my final semester about preparing my portfolio so I could show it to prospective employers as I looked for my first job. The professor drove one point home to us, and it was

Start strong and end strong.

In addition to editing our pieces relentlessly and only showing our very best work, he asked us to pick our two strongest pieces and place them at the beginning of our portfolio and at the end.

Doing this meant we made a great impression from the very first page, and we left the viewer with a positive impression at the end.

The same rule applies for WordPress pages and posts.

Your first sentence and the paragraph that follows it need to engage and pique the curiosity of your reader. It’s the only way to draw them in and keep them interested in absorbing the rest of your information.

Your last paragraph needs to do the same thing. It should end with a bang, and either:

• Tell the reader exactly what you’d like them to do next
• Ask a question to encourage comments, if you’re writing a blog post
• Propose a new way of thinking about a topic
• Encourage readers to click through to another page on your site
• Invite people to make a purchase

Make the most of the WordPress formatting bar

Jacok Nielson, the Danish researcher famous for his usability studies, has shown that the magic combination for maximum usability is:

• Using objective language and avoiding hyped-up marketing copy
• Writing one-topic, concise paragraphs
• Making your text scannable with formatting, subheads and bullets

Combining these three elements improves useability by 124%. Test subjects read faster, remembered what they read, and reported enjoying it more, too.

That kind of result is worth spending a little extra time at the (formatting) bar, isn’t it?

Do you have a favorite WordPress formatting tip to share? Cruise on down to the comment section and tell me all about it.

The post Tips to Best Format your WordPress Pages and Posts appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

What brings a tear of joy to your eye?

The post appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

What TV shows did you watch as a kid?

The post appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

Here’s what just a handful of them are saying about Scribe:

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~ Laurie Cohen

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~ Sharon Kyle

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The post How to Target Search Engine Traffic appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.

How often do you walk or run?

Introduction: The World’s Most Dangerous Small Talk

There are some questions in life that instantly make you want to fake a phone call, look busy, or suddenly pretend you’ve joined a vow of silence. Questions like:

• “So, when are you getting married?”
• “What are your salary expectations?”
• And the most dangerous of them all: “How often do you walk or run?”

Why? Because the answer is never sexy. Nobody has ever said, “Oh, I casually jog 10K every morning while my six-pack abs hum the national anthem.”
The truth is always tragic: “Umm… does running late to office count?”

But here’s the twist—before anyone labels me “fat,” I’d like to present Exhibit A: science says the human body is 70% water. That means when I jiggle, it’s not fat. It’s a mini tsunami. When I sit, it’s not belly folds—it’s reservoir engineering.

So technically, I’m not overweight. I’m overwatered.

Let’s deep dive (pun intended) into this aquatic truth, while answering the oh-so-serious question: How often do I walk or run?

Spoiler alert: not often enough to dry up, but just enough to keep the flood moving.

The Science of Being Flooded

You know how fitness magazines scream “You’re made of stardust”? Wrong. I’m made of floodwater with Wi-Fi access.

Let’s break down the truth:

• Belly ? underground water tank.
• Double chin ? bonus reservoir for drought years.
• Love handles ? safety dams in case of overflow.
• Thighs ? two inflated floatation devices.

Now, when I walk fast, it’s basically like shaking a 20-liter Bisleri can. Every step creates turbulence. You don’t hear footsteps—you hear “slosh slosh slosh.”

Even scientists agree. A totally real (not fake at all, trust me) study says:

• 97% of treadmill users quit not because of laziness, but because they felt like leaking pipelines.
• 3 out of 5 people who claim to be “fit” are secretly just better at hiding their floods with black T-shirts.
• And water retention? Please. That’s just nature’s way of saying, “Congratulations, you’re officially a human dam.”

So the next time someone says “lose weight,” just tell them: “No bro, I’m retaining floodwater for global warming emergencies.”

Walking – The Slow Tsunami

Let’s face it: walking is exercise lite. It’s like gymming’s poor cousin.
Yes, it has benefits: it’s low impact, anyone can do it, and you can still gossip while walking. But in India, walking is more like a competitive sport among uncles in tracksuits.

You’ll spot them in parks:

• Speed-walking with arms flailing like airplane wings.
• Whispering “one more round” but secretly counting how many samosas they’ve burned.
• Competing against other uncle walkers like it’s the Olympics.

Me? I once walked 5 km straight. People clapped. Motivation skyrocketed. Then I confessed I did it only to find the nearest pani puri stall.

Let’s analyze walking benefits—with honesty:

• “Walking reduces stress” ? unless you walk past a momo stall.
• “Walking burns calories” ? technically true, but one gulab jamun can undo 10,000 steps.
• “Walking improves blood circulation” ? only because your body panics, thinking, “Why are we moving? Did the fridge catch fire?”

Conclusion? Walking is nice. But calling it “fitness” is like calling Maggi “gourmet dining.”

Running – The Flash Flood

Running is basically your body’s way of panicking at high speed.

The first minute feels glorious: wind in your hair, motivational music blasting, you imagining yourself in a Nike ad.
By the second minute, you’re gasping like a goldfish out of water.
By the third minute, you’re on Google: “nearest ambulance service.”

And yet, people romanticize it. Marathon runners are worshipped. But think logically:
If running was so great, why do they hand out water every two kilometers? Because even runners know—we’re just moving floods.

Also, running is unfair.

• Thin people run ? they look like gazelles.
• Flooded people run ? neighbors file tsunami warnings.

Even treadmills don’t help. It’s like paying to run in the same spot while staring at yourself suffering in a mirror. Basically, it’s a paid panic attack.

Gym – Where Water Meets Sweat

The gym is the ultimate irony: people pay money to lift things, sweat buckets, and then brag about it online.

My trainer screams: “One more rep!”
Me: “If I do, I’ll evaporate, bro.”

Everything in the gym revolves around water:

• Water bottles are fashion accessories.
• Sweat is just our flood system overflowing.
• “Hydration” is basically us recycling ourselves.

And then there are mirrors. Why do gyms have so many mirrors? Nobody wants to see their face during burpees. That’s trauma.

Some motivational gym quotes need an upgrade:

• Old: “No pain, no gain.”
• New: “Be the flood you want to see in the world.”

Home Workouts – Hydrocardio

Who needs gyms when you can invent Hydrocardio?
The rules are simple:

1. Drink 2 liters of water.
2. Wait 20 minutes.
3. Sprint to the bathroom like Usain Bolt.

Repeat this 5 times. Congratulations—you’ve completed the world’s most natural HIIT workout.

Other home workouts include:

• Lifting 20-liter water cans = biceps day.
• Chasing your toddler/dog around = cardio.
• Running when the delivery guy calls = sprint training.

Best part? Free, eco-friendly, and no monthly subscription.

Diet – Because Flood Needs Fuel

Let’s be honest. Diet is the biggest scam in fitness.

• Trainers say: “Eat clean, stay lean.”
• My brain says: “Eat pizza, stay happy.”

Flood-friendly foods exist. Watermelon? Already 90% water. Eating it is like adding water to water. It’s floodception.
Cucumber? Basically edible bottled water.

Funny weight-loss hacks:

• Put a mirror on your fridge door. Instant guilt cardio.
• Replace rice with cauliflower rice. Then cry into a real rice plate.
• Stop eating at 8 pm. Or do what I do: stop eating at 8 pm Indian Standard Time, but resume at 8:15 pm Nepal Standard Time.

Life Lessons from the Flood

Here’s what I’ve realized:

• Don’t fear fat. Embrace the flood.
• Don’t say bloated. Say buoyant.
• Don’t call it chubby. Call it hydraulically gifted.

Fitness is not about abs. It’s about vibes. And if your vibe is “human dam,” rock it.

Conclusion: Answering the Dangerous Question

So, how often do I walk or run?
Enough to:

• Keep my blood flowing.
• Keep my fridge stocked.
• And keep the flood gates moving.

I’m not fat. I’m not lazy.
I’m simply water-efficient.

Next time someone asks, don’t be ashamed. Smile, sip water dramatically, and say:
? “I don’t jog—I slosh.”

The post How Often Do You Walk or Run? Honestly, We’re Not Fat—We’re Just Flooded! appeared first on Mohit Mathur: Blogging, Wordpress and How things Work.